done_in_3 | K/S Hospital Scene bc Into Darkness was so K/S TASTIC

“You've had it 'on' since I was born. Fine, I don't care anymore. I'm done trying to be your good little boy alright?”

“Good? Please! You've been trouble your whole life! Ever since Sam left, and you talk to me about being a nuisance! You have grief issues too Jim, you haven't dealt with your pain either.”

“And a lot of help you've been.”

“You weren't always like this. Ever since you left for Tarsus you've been different.”

“Don't go there.”

“I know you witnessed a genocide. But it's like you want to take that out on me too.”

“Stop.”

“I wanted to put you in therapy, I begged you talk about it. You never said anything!”

“Mom. Please...”

“What! Oh my pain is fine for you to rip apart but yours is off limits?”

“No-- Just... you don't even know what I went through on that god forsaken rock!”

“I would if you'd just tell me!”

Jim was gasping now, trembling. This was the one thing he dreaded to ever bring up. The one thing he vowed never to speak of.

“You don't want to know!”

“My son's threatening to leave me forever, hell I want to know everything as long as this is my last chance. What the hell is it going to bother you now? You'll never see me again, isn't that right? Who cares what I think?”

“...”

“C'mon, Jimmy... you can tell your old witch of a mother.”

He swallowed thickly. It was only with the knowledge that his father absolved him of blame and Spock still loved him... that he could say it now.

“Kodos kept me alive.”

“Yes...?”

“He fed me personally.”

“That was... strangely generous of him for being a murderer....”

He took a deep breath. Fuck the stuttering. He was above this. “I watched him murder innocent men, women, and children. I ran away from him and he found me in a barn. He was going to kill me but he decided to rape me instead. And when he found out I had no parents on the planet he just kept that up until the reinforcements came.”

“....”

“There. Happy?”

“...Jim... you... you're... making that up.”

almost out of character, he snarled “Fuck you.” his footsteps could be heard as he approached the stairs. He raised up three of them before meeting eyes with Spock. His own widened in surprise and flinched. Spock had heard all that?

Meanwhile Winona was stirring downstairs.

“Jim... no... Jim wait. Please! Can we talk about it? I... I said something stupid, I didn't mean that!”

[Spock met those tortured eyes... His mind was a haze, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.
But this wasn't about him... Jim was looking at him as if waiting for rejection.

Spock was prepared to hold on and never let go.
In one fluid movement the Vulcan stood and met Jim half-way down the stairs.. With a firm grip he took Jim's arm and pulled him back up..
...and into their room where he swiftly closed the door.
Then, and only then did he drag Jim in for a hug.]

Ashaya... I am so sorry.

_{[Being whisked upstairs was a blur, the door shutting, everything... until he was in Spock's arms. He heard that voice, that one term of endearment he needed to know everything was alright. Spock still cared. He gasped to catch his breath, shaking in Spock's arms though from anger or dread it wasn't clear. He simply clung to his vulcan, trembling, breathing like he'd been running, head against Spock's neck.

...but that moment of peace wouldn't last long. His mother was already bounding up the stairs.]}

Jim!? Oh Jim please... please I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, it just came out! I believe you baby.. I...

_{[her voice was shaking with sobs she was trying to hold in check]}

Please... please Jimmy I want to help you...

[Spock continues to hold Jim close... moving his strong hands over his back in comfort.
The Vulcan murmurs in Jim's ear, sensing the turmoil in his mind as he makes contact with his T'hy'la... He wants to anchor his love.]

Jim... breath Ashaya. I am here... I will always be here.
[Spock hesitates...]

Do you wish for me to ask your mother to give us a moment?

_{[Spock's whispers are like pouring water over a burn. Jim is instantly soothed. He has his safe place which until this moment he hadn't realized he'd made with Spock. The vulcan's intimate gestures were nothing if not incredibly effective at simply ending the trauma-induced hysteria Jim had been quickly approaching.

He could volunteer to stay here forever but his mother's sobs pulled on him almost like a marionette.]}

I can't leave her out there... but stay with me.

_{[He opened their door, facing his weeping mother.]}

Jim I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that at all I just...

It's okay mom... _{[Jim reached forward and pulled his mother into a hug. Strangely the roles were reversed, the victim comforting the unrelated witness. But now Spock likely had a window into how Jim's childhood looked. Winona sobbed into his shoulder, her arms held him tight. Jim pet her hair patiently, almost absently as if this was a habit ingrained deeper than any other.]}

Edited 2013-07-12 04:34 (UTC)

[Spock let go of Jim when he was ready... and stood by as he took his mother into his arms. The Vulcan witnessed the exchange with curiosity...
He had so many questions that he had left unanswered...
Why did she only now seek forgiveness at the onset of new information? Did it make the situation any more different?
When were the roles reversed? Was it not Jim that needed to be comforted?

Spock stood there... eyebrows knitted tightly together in consideration. Whatever Jim wanted he would do... but right now he could only stand there and wait...
...and be the support he promised to be.]

_{[His mother really was a nice lady... but she was also damaged goods without his father around. He held the woman until she went still in his arms. She stood up, wiped her eyes, then held Jim's face gently in her hands.]}

I... I understand now... and I'm so sorry baby... I... I can't even put it to words Jim.

Mom, it's alright.

No it's not. You couldn't tell me when it happened. I was so distant you didn't trust me, I understood that then. I just didn't know how bad it was there...

All the times you acted out it was just your cries for help. And Frank and I just punished you for it...

_{[She was making a face that slowly transitioned into a grimace as she understood the depth of her crime against her son.]}

I can't even begin to imagine what lessons you took away from those years, Jim... probably that you couldn't trust anyone and you were alone.

...

That is it, right?

... more or less. That and evil always wins.

Aww but... Kodos was killed. He was a monster. I mean people didn't get away with their crimes at home. You had Frank around at least, right?

Yeah about Frank...

... what?..... _{[her face turned sour, then horrified. She shook her head slowly]}

Oh God.. Jim... he didn't.... I'll kill him.

No no. He didn't touch me. Just talked. Occasionally he threw things. _{[Jim shrugged. This sounded like whining now, he kind of wanted to stop rolling out the grief train]}

Mom, you don't want to hear all this.

No. No I want to talk about it. I want to hear all of it? What did Frank do?

[On the outside the Vulcan showed nothing but a calm, cool Vulcan facade...
On the inside Spock was writhing with fury. That this woman... a mother allowed her son to be abused by someone so close. Why did she not see? Did she refuse?
Spock recalled the times Amanda found out he was being bullied at school and how she had fought tooth and nail for him.

Frank... who was this Frank? Spock had to keep from growling at the thought of anyone harming his T'hy'la. And Kodos....
A pure hatred that he had never felt before... Nero... Khan... Kodos... Spock was thinking that he would never achieve the a Vulcan cool.
...For now he could keep that to himself. He only hoped that if Jim ever decided to bond with him that the level of emotions that Spock experienced wouldn't be damaging to Jim.

Spock continued to breath normally has he listened to the mother and son.]

_{[Jim sighed]}

Alright... but I really need a beer if we're talking about this.

_{[Winona paused... then tugged Jim along.]}

I'll text him not to come home tonight, there's an overnight pickup we needed for the horse stables in Fort Dodge he was procrastinating with. I'll have him get it and we'll have all night. How about I make some pancakes?

_{[Jim smiled a bit relieved]}

I'd like that...

_{[He took Spock's hand as Winona was quickly heading downstairs to begin cooking.]}

[Spock was taken by surprise at how fast the whole exchange was... They were now willing to talk?
Humans...

But then Jim's hand was in his... and Spock couldn't help but squeeze it in reassurance.
He wanted so desperately to know Jim's mind, to ask him how he was... to know what he was feeling and how to help.

However, it was only logical to be content with what you had, and Spock found himself more than fortunate.]

Jim...
[Spock searched Jim's eyes... asking him if he was alright.]

_{[He perked as his name was spoken, and he leaned in for a quick kiss.]}

She gets like this, almost mood swings. She's loving and maternal and then she's angry and defensive. You get used to it. Losing my dad really messed her up.

Just roll with it the best you can. You're doing great.

_{[He smiled]}

And thanks for getting the ball rolling. That was a good fight and I feel better.

[Spock tilted his head, more confused than ever... and a little frustrated that he couldn't have more than a small kiss.
However, he inclined his head.]

Very well, I shall endeavour to do my best Jim.
[Spock would always do his best for Jim.... but he still didn't know how his T'hy'la was.]

_{[Well he doesn't understand that you still need to know more, Spock so... well he'd going downstairs to drink beer, eat pancakes, and tell his mom finally how he and Sam saved her the grief of a divorce by hiding how Frank was verbally and emotionally abusive.

How he regularly threw things, chased them out of the house, reminded them that they were lower than dirt, as valuable as the dust on the mantle, and as missable as cow excrement. He talked about how Frank was a drinker, a bit lazy, working the kids before himself, and yet he was charming as could be when Winona was around...]}

Sam and I knew you were already overwhelmed with losing Dad... we... didn't want to make it worse on you.

_{[Winona was quiet, tears in her eyes yet unshed]}

When Sam ran away, I tried to tell you but we were all focused on him being gone... when I got back from Tarsus... Frank was just being himself and I was... in a low place. You came home and started screaming at me to shape up, Frank had thrown your green glass vase at me and it was in pieces on the floor, he said I'd broken it and you believed him. It didn't matter but he gave me this... smug smile when you weren't looking. I realized then that evil will always win.

So I stopped trying.

...That's about the time you really started acting out...

It didn't matter to me anymore. I'd lost my mom, my dad, my brother, and then Kodos happened and nothing I could do was going to change where I was in life, people were always going to treat me like a bug to be squashed... so I just did whatever I wanted.

_{[Winona hung her head, ashamed, wounded, grieving for her son.]}

I... don't remember that.

You were kind of out of it...

I believe you... So all those years... you just gave up? You never wanted to go to college or anything, I never got it, you were so academic as a boy.

I thought being successful meant being like you and Frank and Kodos. I didn't want that. The only alternative was being a deviant. _{[he shrugged]}

Like I said, I stopped caring after that.

_{[Winona wiped a tear away, wanting to hide]}

What a heavy burden for a child to carry...

Edited 2013-07-12 05:25 (UTC)

[Spock listened from his place... seated beside Jim.
He needed to reach out... so on impulse the Vulcan tentatively placed a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder... squeezed, then let go.

To think that this beautiful man was abused terribly as a child. No Vulcan adult would ever dream of terrorizing a child, it just wasn't done.
Spock's mind was blown.

Finally, the Vulcan said something.]

I grieve with thee... with both of thee.

[Loss was a terrible thing.. he knew...he lost an entire planet and his only source of humanity (until Jim that is). But the important thing is that you learned to move on from such atrocities. That was how you grew strength.
It wasn't ever going to be easy... but you only did yourself a disservice by dwelling on what you can't change.

Jim was strong.. he knew that, he recognized it in him every time Jim sat down on that Captain's chair. He had never seen anyone more deserving of the title. And yet, it was the awful trials he had endured that brought him there.
That brought both of them there.]

_{[Winona was quiet but nodded at Spock's words.]}

Thank you... and I'm sorry for how I behaved earlier. It was completely out of line.

_{[Jim took a leap and leaned over to kiss Spock's cheek. He's fine, really! He just wants to curl up and sleep though... this kind of emotional talk was exhausting and beer didn't help his energy level.]}

Jim I... don't know how to apologize. I've failed you completely. I was so far gone I didn't even notice you getting horribly abused.

... I'm the worst mother in the world.

No, stop that. I don't want to hear that. You had your head up your ass for a long time.

... I am awake now, Jim... if it means anything to you.

It does. I hope you stay that way.

I think it will. I spent so many years focused on the old hurts, I guess I thought life would run itself while I was away....

Anyway, it is getting rather late... did you boys want to stay here tonight? Frank won't be home for at least half the day tomorrow. Longer if I can bribe him.

[In that one kiss, Spock could feel how absolutely and utterly tired Jim was.]

Missus Kirk... apologies are unnecessary, but I appreciate the sentiment. I believe we will take you up on your offer...
We are both quite tired and will retire early for the evening.

[Spock looked over at Jim...let's go to bed.]

_{[She nodded, giving them a quick sendoff for the night as she cleaned up the kitchen.

Jim headed with Spock up to his old bedroom, crawling into his bed. Ah, clean sheets~ Yay sleep!]}

[Spock follows Jim upstairs... contemplative the entire time. Once inside the room the Vulcan methodically removes his clothing and crawls in beside Jim...

Hesitantly, he places an hand on Jim's arm... just wanting to feel his T'hy'la and his warmth.
It had certainly been an emotional rollarcoaster... he can't imagine what it must be like for Jim right now.]

Ashaya...

Hm?

_{[He slides his hand over, wrapping an arm around Spock's waist.]}

You ok? I know there were a lot of... feelings being thrown around down there.

[Spock takes a moment to formulate an answer...]

I am... well Jim. However, I am amazed at your ability to remain calm. You would have made an exemplary Vulcan.

[Have a small half-smile... Spock was trying to cheer you up it seems.
The Vulcan sunk into the embrace, looping his free arm around Jim as well to hold him closer.
His lips skimmed over Jim's forehead...]

Edited 2013-07-12 05:59 (UTC)

_{[He chuckled dryly]}

Emotions get easier the more you experience them, maybe the vulcans should try that rather than suppressing them. In my experience the more you suppress something the more it tends to burst out.

_{[He laid against Spock, closing his eyes as Spock gave him attention. He could use it right now honestly. Just simple non-sexual healing. Crazy for him to think of that...]}

Indeed... however, expressing the full capacity of our emotions would not produce favourable results unfortunately.
[There's a reason why Vulcans control their emotions.]

But I do find that expressing certain emotions easier when I am around you..
[Spock lifted a hand to trace the lines of Jim's face, feeling the emotions underneath his golden skin. The Vulcan leaned his head forward so that he rested his forehead against his T'hy'la's... and began to purr in contentment..
To be close to another being like this... was beyond compare.]

Hm.

[He'd seen Spock angrier than anything he'd ever seen on earth. He believed him when he said emotions were rough on vulcans]

I still stand by what I said.

[He nuzzled Spock]

You wanna do it?

[Spock quirked an eyebrow...]

You will have to be more specific... do what?

[He kissed Spock then, as if to initiate... Well doing it. You get it now?]

I want sooooome :l

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