K/S Hospital Scene bc Into Darkness was so K/S TASTIC

[done_in_3]

It was so sudden. He woke up with a flash, bright lights, soft sounds, a bed, he was alive?? But he'd died in the chamber...in engineering. Spock and he had exchanged that vulcan hand-thing whatever the hell it was. He'd died, he was dead. Was this heaven? Holy....

No. Bones was here nagging at him.

"Oh don't be so melodramatic, you were barely dead. You've been out cold for two weeks."

He was so...taken aback. What had happened? He just remembered being in the locked chamber watching Spock shed tears, glimmering tears of anguish as he slowly died of radiation poisoning... his heart lurched at the memory. He didn't know the vulcan was even capable...

And then Spock was in the room, approaching him. Suddenly... everything else was forgotten. Hell even Bones was gone in his mind, though he could hear the doctor put in a "You know Uhura and I had something to do with it too."

"....Thanks, Spock... for saving my life..."
 

Comments

[done_in_3]

I know you didn't... I don't blame you. Mostly.

<sub>[He would always forgive Spock. He had no choice. He loved him too much...

But T'Mar was still alive. She was on New Vulcan. Jim and Spock saved her from the Gorn... though her father died at their hands. Jim still regretted it.

But Spock met her in school, right? Maybe she was just so good she got accepted to that school? Whatever. Didn't matter.]

[Jim's next memory is mostly visual....







He cant stand it. Spock is so fucking beautiful he's going to die.



He always found you beautiful, Spock.



He had a hard time not imagining him in various... situations. Positions... scenarios. Spock just shows up at his room one night and not a word is spoken. Jim understands he needs out of Nyota's control. He knows he is a perfect escape for the vulcan and they make passionate love in his cabin.



It went on and on... but Spock... he is the most beautiful thing in Jim's world. He'd seen a lot of pretty people but nothing so ethereal and lovely as Spock. Even other vulcans didn't hole a candle.</sub>

So sorry, completely forgot you were using the game as reference too. :p

[spohkh]

[Spock was quiet as he listened to Jim's pain filled desires.... How he wanted to fulfill them.
And he would, for the rest of his life he would make certain that Jim did not feel that way again. He would be attentive to Jim's needs...

The Vulcan sighed... caressing the bond... a small spark of desire flowing through him as he witnesses Jim's fantasies of him.]

Meh, it's not that important.

[done_in_3]

_{[They would fulfill all of them together. Jim had so many more now that Spock was actually his... he returned that desire, hoping to fan that spark into a flame... or...perhaps just put it on hold. He couldn't stop the influx of information from his memory...]}





He was seated comfortably at his desk, surrounded by padds and no less than two large thermoses of coffee. He was finishing reports and supply requests, his crew was eagerly relieved for their captain's sudden consistency with getting requisitions finished early. It was a fairly reliable system to keep his mind off Spock save for the occasional instance where he'd get his First on the brain and simply couldn't remain functional for work. Jim was hardly expecting this to be one of those moments and was oblivious of his mood shift. Denial was a more accurate term for the manner in which he simply didn't acknowledge his thoughts shifting towards his Commander. He wasn't here in his office or on his communicator, there was no reason to think of him. He was in the labs doing his own work. Surely running something mind boggling with their latest soil samples, in awe over the anaerobic bacteria or some diplococci or whatever he extracted from his samples. Certainly he'd be in the labs most of the day consumed by his work, eager to discover and forge the path for science. He must be happy when he's working there, whether he would label it as such or not... when he's done he probably eats with Uhura and carries on about his discovery while she's all too pleased to listen. Maybe he smiles when he goes on about that with her...

Jim continued with his work, setting that particular guilty distraction away. He read over his padd again only to find a few of the words obscured, warped and curled into spirals as they were read through drops of water. Jim stared a moment wondering where they came from when another one appeared on the padd with a small tapping noise. He blinked, his eyes were warm... Jim froze as he waited for another tear to fall as if that proof was necessary to admit he was crying. Slowly he ran through the gambit of surprise, alarm, and needing to pretend this wasn't happening. Why was he crying? He wasn't even sad.

When the tears didn't stop in ten minutes Jim gave himself a break from his work though it backfired. His mind only returned to Spock and what he must be doing right now. Certainly he wasn't crying over anything. He had nothing to cry over, he had his dream job, the love of his life, a relationship based on mutual trust and affection. When the tears didn't end in half an hour Jim sent out a ship-wide alert that he was not to be disturbed. Somehow that was an invitation to interested parties. Bones appeared at his door.

“Jim, open up it's me.”

“Go away, working.”

“Jim we need to talk.”

“Bones... not now.”

“That post wasn't about your work focus and we both know it... Jim. Let me in or I'm going to have to let myself in.”

Jim sighed as he knew Bones wouldn't leave him be but he realized he didn't have the energy to fight him off this time.

“You know the code. I'm not getting up.”

He didn't look up either as the doctor approached him.

“Jim.”

He was seated in the window seat near his sleeping alcove. He raised his knees up, folding his arms across his kneecaps and leaning his chin against his arms. Stars glittered outside but Jim was impoverished for focus to give them. He stared at the blackness, the frame of the window, anything to avoid conversing with Bones about the unspoken topic at hand.

“Jim look at me.”

He turned his head, looking Bones in the eyes. His own were puffy, red-rimmed, and still shining bright as if daring Leonard to take a jab at him. The doctor nodded once as if assessing damage while another tear rolled down Jim's cheek which he wiped away while averting eye contact from Leonard.

“They won't stop.”

“...What brought this on?”

“I don't know. Just happened.”

“What were you thinking about when it happened?”

“Don't ask dumb questions.”

Bones was silent a moment, nodding in response then dropping to sit on the floor near Jim. He began awkwardly but he started talking about his ex wife and how they met. Bones' voice was anxious and unnerved as he prattled through the ups and downs of romance and how painful it could be. He loved her like nothing else but he was hurt in the end, wishing he hadn't had this trip to begin with. To know true joy and love and have it taken away was far worse than ignorance.

“There's a billion songs about it I'm sure...”

“Love songs make it sound fun and exciting but I'm actually going crazy.” Jim was still shedding tears and wiped them away as he spoke.

“You'll come around Jim... just give it time.”

Jim just shook his head. “I won't, Bones... I wish I could make it stop... how did you?”

“....Drowned it in booze.”

“Yeah well that hasn't worked for me. I'll have to drink myself into a coma.”

“Just give it time.”

“Right, maybe watching them get married and have babies will help!”

Bones rolled his eyes “I just came to check on you, I'm not going to stay if you're just feeling sorry for yourself.”

“...don't... stay here?”

“You gonna stop whining?”

“...yeah. I'm done.”

Bones talked to him for hours while the pain numbed again. When he left Jim was able to smile though it didn't reach his eyes.

[spohkh]

Though I am regret that I made you so sorrowful Ashaya... I cannot help but think of how everything turned out in the end. Uhura may watch us as we produce children.

[Spock seemed very satisfied with this thought...and almost preened as befitting a proud Vulcan at expanding his house.

But Jim's emotions in that memory sparked a memory of his own... and it all made sense.

Ashaya, what you were feeling was a rejection of the T'hy'la bond. Perhaps in time I would have felt it too, and would have been drawn to you. But as you were, alone with no shielding to protect your mind.... my proximity with zero reciprocation would have severely effected you. I am sorry to have caused this grief.

I will make it up to you.

[A promise he couldn't wait to hold up to.]

This is the last one before I have the memories of STID

[done_in_3]

Maybe you would have... maybe if we'd had time...

<sub>[You know, if he hadn't died instead. But that was all in the past now. Jim felt a bit vindictive at the thought of having Spock's kids and making Uhura watch miserably... but he didn't want to really do that. He knew how awful that felt...

...But he can't wait to let Spock make it up to him either. This was going to be a great year together. And all the years afterward...]</sub>






Jim had another nightmare about Kodos. He sat up screaming in bed and couldn't catch his breath for nearly two minutes. He was trembling, stuck between wanting to run somewhere or curl up in a ball. Two weary choices that were aggressively ineffective at delivering comfort or clear thought. Jim put on some soft music, then read, then laid awake knowing he wouldn't sleep again that night. Command was lonely but he never knew it so acutely than in these moments. He was utterly alone his whole life and when it came time for him to reach out for comfort Jim had no one. He paced a bit around his cabin, knowing nothing would work. He was jumpy the rest of the night, any sound or so much as a pop as the windows or doors adjusted made Jim flinch. A puff of air hit his back, vaguely imitating someone grabbing him. Jim jumped around, eyes wide, heart racing... Of course nothing was there but he pressed himself against the nearest wall anyway. He can't keep doing this, he tells himself. Eventually he has to get over it. That happened a long time ago. He knows he needs someone to help him, someone who understood. His thoughts circled around Kodos for a while, then Tarsus, then Iowa... Starfleet... Enterprise..... Spock.... that damn... fucking beautiful... unachievable adonis. What would Spock say in response to Kodos and what had happened all those years ago? Would he be disgusted? Would he say...anything?

This was a stupid train of thought. Spock was never going to know, Jim had no business sharing that with him... He crawled into bed and laid awake, thinking.

He couldn't count how many nights he spent laying awake absolutely hating himself for loving not only an emotionless vulcan but a taken one. How stupid he was.... how hopelessly stupid... he had every woman in the world he could want and none of them meant a damn thing anymore. The only person he wanted was off romancing with the love of his life building a bright future together with her. It was harder to pretend he didn't really notice them. He had to practice looking casual or nonchalant around them. Several times he was sure Uhura was sending him predatory glances, silently telling him to back off but they were so sparse and subtle Jim wondered if he wasn't projecting things. After all, what did Uhura have to fear anyway? He wasn't a threat to her, nothing was. Spock only saw her... and that's fine. Jim feels hollow anytime they talk, he zones out when they mention each other, when he sees them at dinner alone he wants to rush over and flip the table. Spock has no fucking idea what he's going through... not that he'd care either.

Uhura is perfect for him. She's pure and clean and untouched. Jim is damaged goods... he'd only serve to defile Spock or anyone he wanted to be with for that matter. He had too many nightmarish atrocities in his past that still haunted him. He was too much... He was going to die alone and that's just the way it's going to be.

He berated himself, telling himself to stop whining and go to sleep. Kodos can't rule him forever. Enterprise doesn't care what his problem is. Aliens like the Gorn don't. Missions from Starfleet don't. And the Starfleet uppers would only love to use that as an excuse to revoke his rank. He had to eat his own bitterness and move on. And he could handle all of that if he didn't have to eat his broken heart too.

He wishes he were more like Spock and could dispel his own emotions so he didn't have to spend each day like he was dying inside.

<3

[spohkh]

[Spock closed his eyes and dreamed of a time when things were more....

...pleasant.

Spock was passionate about most things he put effort into. His experiments and equations were all done with a single minded focus that put many geniuses to shame. He enjoyed it... it defined him.
But there were times when he tired of it, because it was expected of him. He had a duty to his clan... his father to do well and join the VSA, but he didn't want to.
On the nights he stared up into the stars he composed. Every star was a note, and every constellation was a music staff that played out a symphony across the universe. Every moment at home that he could spare he would hide away in his room and play his Lyre.
Would his mate like to hear him play?

He thought of that often.

He wrote a song for the person that would one day be with him. It wasn't T'Pring... she didn't want anything to do with him. But who was out there that would want to share themselves with him? Someone he could trust and share himself in return? Who would he share his music with? He hoped they liked music too...

Spock's fingers would nimbly trail across the strings, the eerie tones resonating through the air, twirling together to create a hauntingly beautiful tune. His mother loved to hear him play... and it was the one thing that he could do for her that didn't garner his father's disapproval. Because he could always just say he was practicing... but he was really playing for her.]

[done_in_3]

<sub>[Jim was suddenly transfixed by the story. Spock wrote music? He wrote a song for.... him? He wanted to hear it so badly. He loved music. He loved to sing, he couldn't play an instrument but he could sing like no other and he'd love to with Spock...

He congratulated Spock for sneaking in playing his lyre under his father's radar. He is sure his mother enjoyed it... He wants to hear that song... all of it, not just the bits in Spock's memory.]</sub>

[spohkh]

I will play for you Ashaya.... I will play for you as much as you desire. And I would very much like to hear you sing.


Your voice is very pleasing to my senses.

[Spock's space hummed and shuddered in pleasure at the thought of hearing Jim sing again. He had such a beautiful voice. And he would love to have the opportunity to play with Jim as he sang.]

Happy 1400!

[done_in_3]

Well good... I like singing. I'm glad you like my voice...

We should do it together... when I'm feeling alright. We could do it all the time on Enterprise.

_{[Obviously he isn't anticipating their musical partnership being anything but perfect.]}

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[spohkh]

[Spock's pleasure consumed his entire space...]

Ashaya, nothing would please me more.

[done_in_3]

_{[His joyous ripples were felt through the space, his light glowed softly, he was at peace and he was happy. Nirvana. A far cry from their latest adventures together. ]}





Jim was having the time of his life despite his unrequited love. He was learning to move on, or at least he thought. Nibiru was a fun planet mission. Stealing an indigenous peoples' precious artifact and running through a tinted jungle away from giant spears while Bones berated him and they approached a cliff's edge and jumped off it into the ocean... this was the life he'd wanted. The adventures he had dreamed of as a kid and a cadet. Hiding the ship under the ocean thrilled him, he loved how physically demanding his job could be, he felt more accomplished for himself and his crew. Overcoming any adversity was just something he, and therefore his ship, did well.

Of course it all came right back to square one as it always did when Acting Captain Scott met them in the pressurized entry tank and Jim's first thought came out with no thought or even the suggestion of a filter. If Scotty was meeting them then...

“Where's Spock?”

Scotty had been complaining about the salt water degrading the hull but his expression grew grim as soon as his captain asked about the commander. “Still in the volcano sir.”

Jim's heart sank to his gut. His blood ran cold and he rushed to the bridge. He can't even remember how he got there, only that he was suddenly yelling at his First. He knew he sounded desperate.

“I have activated the device captain...when the countdown is complete the reaction should render the volcano inert.”

“That's gonna render him inert!”

“Do we have use of the transporters?”

“No.”

“Not wiss zese magnetic fields, sir.”

“I need to beam Spock back to this ship, give me one way to do it!”

Chekov strained “Mmmmm mebbe if we had a direct line of sight”

“Hold on wee man, yer tolkin' aboot an active volcano. Sir! If tha' thing erupts ah cannae guarantee we could withstand the heat!”

“I don't know that we can maintain that kind of altitude..”

Spock's voice returned. “Captain. Our shuttle was concealed by the ash cloud but the Enterprise is too large. If utilized in a rescue effort it would be revealed to the indigenous species.”

“Shut up, Spock we're trying to save you dammit!”

“Doctor, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Spock, nobody knows the rules better than you but there has got to be an exception.” Dammit vulcan, don't do this to him. He can't let you go.

“None. Such action violates the Prime Directive.” Spock stop.



“Spock, we're talking about your life!” You don't understand Spock. He can't allow you to die. He just can't.

“The rule cannot be broken--” Spock's comm failed, fried by the volcano's heat. Uhura looked about ready to cry or scream. Jim held his composure.

“Try to get him back online.” she darted to her station while Chekov solemnly counted down the cold fusion reaction.

“90 seconds to detonation...”

Bones stood at Jim's side. Only then was the captain allowing himself to think about his First. What would he do? What would he say?

“If Spock were here and I were there... what would he do?”

“...He'd let you die.” Jim felt a stab of betrayal from those words. That wasn't true was it? No... Spock wasn't... it didn't matter. Jim gave his command, they rose from the ocean and flew after the volcano. They exposed the ship to the indigenous people but Spock was returned to the ship safely and the volcano was cooled. Jim ran to the transporter room, fast as his legs allowed. Spock will be mad at him for sure but it didn't matter. He'd uproot every rule in Starfleet's book to save that vulcan. He didn't care.

“Spock!!... You alright?”

“Captain, you let them see our ship.”

Bones grunted. “He's fine.”

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

“Yeah.”

“Is Commander Spock on board, sir?”

“Safely and soundly.”

“Please notify him that his device has successfully detonated.”

Jim grinned at Spock “Congratulations, Spock. You just saved the world.”

“You violated the Prime Directive!” Spock was so cute when he got flustered and hung up on rules. Jim felt comfortable. Spock was fine... so he was as well.

“Aww c'mon Spock, they saw us. Big deal.” nothing could go wrong now. His love was safe and sound... nothing else really mattered.

[spohkh]

I....

[Spock was once again struck into silence... but he had to answer, he had to make Jim understand.]

I would have gone back for you. If our situations had been reversed, I would not have let you die.

[Spock was a stickler for the rules, he knew this because that was part of who he was. To ask him to leave something out of a report was almost insulting...

...but he knew now how much that had damaged Jim. If given time to truly think about the repercussions, and how he felt about Jim now, he would have left it out of the report.]

I am sorry I betrayed you.

[done_in_3]

I know you wouldn't... and I forgive you. In the end it... was my fault. It was my fault from the beginning. If I hadn't pulled that... maybe Pike would still be alive...






Of course that all gave way to more excitement and the inevitable betrayal Jim felt when they met Pike. Jim was too pleased with himself and them as a team that they were called to see Admiral Pike, seeing only glorious reward in his mind. Five year mission Five Year Mission!!.

“Spock, I'm telling you this is why he called. I can feel it.”

“Your feeling aside, I consider it highly unlikely we will considered for the new program.”

“Why else would Pike want to see us? Forget seniority they gave us the newest ship. Who else are they gonna send out?”

“I can think of numerous possibilties--”



“A Five year mission Spock! That's deep space, that's uncharted territory! Think about how incredible that's gonna be.” he patted Spock on the chest, walking backwards to look him in the eyes... those gorgeous chocolate eyes... he commented to some women, half heartedly at best. They didn't look at him but he had to stay in character before Spock. He was still a ladies man.

Though his excitement boiled into angry betrayal at Spock when it's revealed why Pike called them. Of course far be it from Jim to admit it was his fault for lying on a Starfleet Record. His resentment of Spock for breaking his heart made it easier to remain callous through their meeting with the admiral. Once Spock was dismissed and it was just him and Pike though...

“Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass you are?”

“I think so, sir.”

“So tell me what you did wrong, what's the lesson to be learned here?”

“Never trust a vulcan.”

“No, see you can't even answer the question. You lied. On an official report you lied. You think the rules don't apply to you because you disagree with them.”

“That's why you talked me into signing up in the first place. It's why you gave me your ship.”

“I gave you my ship because I saw greatness in you. And now I see that you don't have an ounce of humility.”

“What was I supposed to do? Let Spock die?”

“You're missing the point.”

“I don't think I am, sir. What would you have done?”

“I wouldn't have risked my First Officer's life in the first place! You were supposed to survey a planet, not alter its destiny. You violated at least a dozen Starfleet regulations and almost got everyone under your command killed!”

“Except I didn't! You know how many crew members I've lost?--”

“That's your problem--”

“Not one, not ONE!”

“You think you're infallible. You think you can't make a mistake, it's a pattern with you. The rules are for other people.”

“Some should be.”

“And what's worse is you're using blind luck to justify your playing God.”

Jim paused. Pike took a breath.

“Given the circumstances this has been brought to Admiral Marcus's attention. He convened a special tribunal to which I was not invited. You understand what Starfleet regulations mandate be done at this point.”

Jim's blood ran cold again, he looked to Pike... his father figure, his role model...

“They've taken the Enterprise away from you. They're sending you back to the academy.”

Jim didn't know what to say... everything he dreamed of, everything he wanted was being taken... taken away... he couldn't think.

“Admiral, listen.”

they began to talk over each other like a father and son bickering, neither one hearing the other. Finally Pike silenced him.

“No. I can't listen. You don't comply with the rules, you don't take responsibility for anything, and you don't respect the chair.”

This was real. Jim couldn't talk his way out of this one... it was sinking in, he felt like he was being dipped back in Frank's ice baths again. Or slung against a wall.

“You know why? Because you're not ready for it.” Jim stared outward, almost as if into another world. This was really happening...

[spohkh]

[Spock recalled this memory only too avidly. He was partially at fault for Jim's actions.... because he was willing to go down to the planet to alter its natural course. He did not want to see another planet die... not again.
And so he had taken the necessary risk.


Death. Death was staring him in the face and he literally welcomed it with open arms. Did he want to die? It was entirely relative... but dying was so much easier than living, and he was more than prepared to go.
Did he mourn Nyota? Negative... his last thoughts were not of her... but of the Enterprise.
It would be too bad not to serve on that glorious ship again. But, on the other hand he would be reunited with the universe, to take his place in the consciousness of his ancestors and the natural passing of time. It sounded peaceful...
...and accepting. Far more accepting than anything he had encountered up to that point. Nyota wanted something more than he could give... his Captain no longer wished to spend time with him.... his planet was gone and he no longer found joy in what he did.

Because something was missing... just out of grasp.

He welcomed death.]

[done_in_3]

_{[He mourned Spock's depressing position. He... if he had only known. He would have helped. How he wanted to help when Spock confessed to Uhura his pain in that moment...]}




Jim shouldn't have been happy about Spock and Uhura fighting. He should be sad or better yet, indifferent. He didn't show it, other than through his typical obnoxious nosiness but he was glad. Fucking GLAD they were fighting. He hopes they break up. He shouldn't but he does. He hopes they rot from within and yes he knows that makes him a horrible human being but fuck it he was beyond caring eight months ago. But from the looks of it, Uhura was the injured party. What had Spock done? Something drastic out of a need to be out of the relationship? Oh Jim don't get your hopes up. They're only going to make up then make out somewhere and he'll still end up on at the bottom of a bottle of Romulan Ale. But for the

He regretted his thoughts a bit when Uhura lashed out at Spock. It was all he could do not to command her into silence. She was really bringing this up in the middle of a stealth mission that could at any time become a fire fight? She was so brutal... her anger was just... Jim understood she got her feelings hurt but... this was wrong on several levels. Yet he didn't want to incur her wrath right now.

“Ah... are you guys really going to do this here?”

“Sorry, Captain. Just two seconds” annoyance flared in the captain. She rejected him? She was lucky he was feeling laid back right now about this crap... and he was mad at Spock as it was. Was this how it was always going to be when Uhura had something to say? That wasn't going to work in Jim Kirk's world. She didn't get to bring her personal drama to work and tell her commanding officer to stuff it while she dished it out. To the man he loved too!

But Spock wanted her. Spock was dignified and graceful about his retort and he hopes Uhura feels bad for her outburst. She'd clearly overstepped her bounds, and illustrated an ignorance Jim hadn't expected... that required further investigating though. He felt sad for Spock. Sad and deeply sympathetic for his mother and his planet. Spock was carrying a heavy burden but he just didn't announce it. Jim knew... oh god Jim knew just how that felt. He wished in that moment that he could reach out and touch Spock. That he could help make it easier...

[spohkh]

I knew in that moment that we would not last.... and that it was just a matter of time...

[The way Nyota approached him without regard for his Vulcan ways time and time again meant that she was not going to let him be who he was. He always gave her space to be who she was... and in his eyes she flourished.

And he remained painfully the same.

The space that was Spock wanted nothing more than to hold Jim at that point.]

[done_in_3]

I'll say. She surprised me in the shuttle that day. I was going to talk to you about it... but I never got the chance...



He doesn't remember leaving Pike's office or changing clothes or anything other than he was suddenly at a bar with at least two whiskeys down his gullet. He is in the high of feeling sorry for himself when he catches the eyes of a rather lovely girl at his right. He no more than had his mouth open to speak that Pike appeared and sat between him and the woman, blocking his view. Jim groaned.



“The first time I found you was in a dive like this.”

“...”

“You got your ass handed to you.”

“No I didn't.”

“It was an epic beating.”

“No it wasn't.”

“You had napkins hanging out your nose.”

Jim chuckled “Yeah, that was a good fight.”

“Good fight? I think that's the problem right there.... They gave the Enterprise back to me.”

“Congratulations. Better watch out for that First Officer though.”

“Spock won't be my first.”

“What?”

“He's getting transferred to U.S.S. Bradbury. You're going to be my first officer.”

“...What but... how?”

“I had a talk with Admiral Marcus.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That I believe in you. That if anybody deserves a second chance it's Jim Kirk.”

Jim paused, unblinking at Pike, mouth open. Words weren't happening though.

“I... I don't know what to say.”

“That is a first.” he smiled. “It's going to be okay, son.”

It was the first time anyone ever went to bat for him. He was blown away, unable to process the emotions. Quickly though, Pike's communicator went off and they were on their way to HQ.


“The truth is... I'm going to miss you.” Jim forced a smile, maybe the last one he'd ever give Spock. He tried not to think about it. Never seeing him again... maybe Spock might admit even being his friend. Or something. Jim would settle for 'you no longer annoy me as you once did, Jim'. But Spock just stood there wordlessly. Jim groaned and rolled his eyes. Goddammit why did Spock have to be so hopeless sometimes!?




The meeting went on, Jim said his peace. Khan appeared. Almost as Jim was finishing his thought and realized they were in a trap... said trap was triggered. He acted on instinct then, standing before the window, his silhouette framed in the red lights of a ship about to fire. He got “clear the room!” out before the glass shattered and people dropped. Jim hit the floor... and crawled to the adjacent wing at the ship's side. He shot the window open, then made use of an emergency hose. Tying it to the phaser rifle he threw it into the ship's engine and took it down... but not before seeing Khan's face, his smirk, and his escape via a trans-warp beaming device. The ship crashed... and Jim had to find Spock. He had to know that he was okay. And he was... but Pike... his father... Jim knew he was dead the moment he saw him but he had to try to find a pulse. He had to confirm it twice before he'd believe it...

He could say that he didn't mind Spock seeing him cry, but he didn't think about it. For once he wasn't thinking about Spock. He lost his father....again. He wasn't ready, he still needed him to show him how to be a person! A captain! He didn't try to stop the tears... only let them fall, then laid a single hand on Spock before he walked away towards the damaged ship. He grew numb, objective... he wouldn't sleep that night.

[spohkh]

[Spock shuddered as he remembered that fateful day.

From his position, the Vulcan did everything he could as all around him his fellow officers fell... as well as Christopher Pike.
Crawling to his position, Spock could see that there was no hope for his faculty adviser.

He was in pain.... and his eyes, they were fearful as they locked on to Spock's. Wanting to ease his passing, the Vulcan joined his mind with Pike's... and instantly he was assaulted with emotions that he did not want to feel.
Pain, fear, loneliness, regret, sorrow, anger... all of these feelings were jumbled together in a chaotic heap as Christopher realized he was about to die. He did not wish to die...
...and Spock was going to kill him faster.

Spock compelled Pile to sleep... to give in.... to cease fighting because there was no hope. He projected peace...and eased his pain.
With one last, death rattling breath... Christopher Pike died, and there was nothing he could do to save him.]

[done_in_3]

_{[Jim watched... his mind shifted and the sun grew darker. He couldn't respond and said nothing as his end of the bond communicated for him. It felt twisted and knotted as though Jim felt a need to cry. It was still raw for him... only a couple weeks old. Watching his dad die, even though he understands Spock did him a kindness.... he still wanted to sob like he did that night.]}

[spohkh]

I grieve with thee Ashaya....

[Spock didn't know what else to say. He couldn't stop the memory from emerging as it was still fresh in his mind as well. He was still processing the emotions that he felt from that encounter.... to say it was difficult was an understatement.]

He loved you Jim. It was all there, in his head. His faith in you was justified.

[done_in_3]

I know..... I know.

_{[He laid with Spock in their minds for a while, saying nothing as he calmed down and slowly he soothed himself. When he was calm again he showed Spock a happier memory, if a bit grim as to when it occurred.]}







Spock tells Jim to take Khan in alive, fine. And Jim didn't want to adhere to it because the bastard murdered Pike. He was adamant to refuse Spock's suggestion but mid-way through his ship-wide transmission... he knew Spock was right. To kill John Harrison was to become the same as him. Spock was poised in his seat as Jim changed their mission to taking Khan in alive. But his eyes showed he was pleased with the chain of events. Spock is noble, moreso than Jim. Then he's like practically praising him for his choice. Jim looks at that half smile, he melts inside, he wants to hold onto that, he feels alive when Spock looks at him that way. He'll do whatever Spock wants... Spock has no idea how compromised his captain really is.

[spohkh]

[Compromised... if only the brass only knew how compromised they were, they would have never seen command.

There were times during meditation where Spock was no longer lying to himself, where he actually saw that what he was was a ticking time bomb. All of his peers on Vulcan expected him to fail, all his peers on Earth expected him to be perfect.

There would be no error, ever. He would not allow it. To fail, to lose others was to be compromised. But the emotional imbalance was always seen as a defect, a piece of his human heritage that made his Vulcan half weaker.

He waited... waited for the day that he would only be known as 'Spock'. Not the defect, not the freak, not the perfectionist, emotionless pointy-eared bastard... the Vulcan without a heart. Or the Vulcan with too much heart... Just, Spock.]

[done_in_3]

<sub>[Well the King Brass was dead and the rest were squirrling around like idiots trying to rebuild Starfleet. They may have sent Enterprise as far away from Earth as possible for security reasons just to preserve their few good officers.

... And silly Spock. He wasn't anything with Jim but himself. He does note that they dodged a bullet. Spock would have been a tough one to stop if he had a nervous episode...Jim cringed a bit at the thought of that.

Spock is only himself around Jim. He's just Spock. And whoever Spock wants to be is fine with him.]</sub>

[spohkh]

It is as if I am discovering who I am while I am around you.
It has been such a limited time since we have been together.... but I feel as though I have learned so much about you and I.... the both of us together.

It is most satisfying.

[And indeed, Spock feels content with Jim. More content than he's ever been in his entire life.
His very essence is calmed in the presence of his T'hy'la.]

[done_in_3]

I think I'm in the same boat... I'm glad I can learn all this with you...

_{[He wants Spock to be comfortable. With anything. Jim likes this hub they share together, they can bring anything back here and handle it just between themselves. Grief, drama, joy, sorrow, anger...]}