done_in_3 | K/S Hospital Scene bc Into Darkness was so K/S TASTIC

[Spock held Jim close as he lost himself in thought.

It had pained him to see Jim so... what was that anyway? The Vulcan didn't have a word for it.
It was as if Jim was lost... his mind clouded in fear and desperate want of something that Spock did not want to give. The last thing on the Vulcan's mind was to hurt Jim... and yet, that's what Spock saw. Jim wanted to be hurt... to be taken brutally.

A dark part of Spock's mind smirked... taunting him with the fact that yes.. he could hurt Jim a lot, and quite easily too. It was only a matter of losing some of that Vulcan control.
That terrified Spock deeply... That dark part reminded him of all the things that Spock had yet to tell Jim about Vulcans... and that Jim being human was not an advantage.
The Vulcan nearly shuddered at the thought.

His mind once again focused on his T'hy'la... He needed answers, yet he knew that asking Jim wouldn't produce what he needed to know. Sure he could get all the raw facts, but the knowledge on how to deal with these... raw emotions wasn't going to come from Jim.
Winona was no good to go to... Sam, while lost, wouldn't know what to do either what with being absent from Jim's life for so long.

Spock nearly sighed, but refrained from the painfully human action. He needed to meditate... his mind was almost sore from everything he's had to process.
Closing his eyes, the Vulcan slowed his breathing and relaxed his body. Laying against Jim he slipped into a deep meditative state.]

_{[Spock was wise in his assumptions. None of the humans he knew could help him here. But there was one... who would only make himself known once the vulcan reached deep meditation state. Once established, Spock would sense...applause. A slow clap, or at least the man's desire to give him one.]}

Congratulations Spock... you did it. I knew you would.

[Spock stood in the darkness of his subconscious... eyes searching for the source of the sound.]

Who is there?

[Spock was greatly unnerved... who had infiltrated his mental space? But... that voice was also very familiar. Something he had heard recently.]

_{[The voice approached and from the darkness... there formed the image of a man Spock ought to know on sight. Captain George Kirk Sr.]}

Forgive me for intruding but a lot went into bringing me here on such short notice. But Jim needs your help and in order to give it, you need mine. This is a highly complicated emotional issue and most humans couldn't decipher it. Lucky for you I've watched Jim his whole life and I know what's going on here.

_{[Let him get right to the point, time is of the essence.]}

You've seen what's inside Jim now. What happened because of Kodos' attack. You know what I'm talking about...

Edited 2013-07-14 03:10 (UTC)

[Spock's eyes land on George Kirk... the infamous Captain.

It's amazing how much Jim looks like him.
Spock swallows and inclines his head.]

Mister Kirk... I do indeed know what you are referring to.. And I admit that I am at a loss. Jim's actions have been...

....chaotic and dangerous. I do not know why he acts this way.

_{[He nods in return, casually waving away the need for a formal greeting.]}

Don't judge Jim too harshly. He isn't entirely aware of why he does this either. It's a typical response for any victim of rape, but especially so in adults who were raped as children.

_{[He spoke calmly, almost too calmly. As if speaking of this was igniting a deadly flame within him that he had to will into compliance.]}

He wanted you to be rough with him and get as close to actually raping him as possible. It's an attempt to recreate the original trauma. He's trying to desensitize himself... to make it mean nothing. And that is never going to work, he's tried this before and it only dulls the pain for a little while. He'll feel brave for a few hours in the morning but he only relives the shame and disgust with himself later. It hurts him in the long run but for victims of rape even a small reprieve is a welcome one...

But you refused to give into it which is something no one else ever did. I can guarantee you Jim will respect you more for that later. I do too, I think you understand the gravity of Jim's submission to you and its importance. Giving up sexual control isn't easy for him, in fact him yielding to you so soon was a big leap of faith. And whether he knows it yet or not, he feels safer with you.

Edited 2013-07-14 07:58 (UTC)

[Spock was... silent.
The Vulcan started to pace as he considered all of the information he was given. It was all starting to piece together... Jim's emotional inconsistencies and questionable habits. The need to place himself in danger and reckless behaviour...

...To be almost afraid of love. Jim was a victim in all of this... Spock could only imagine Jim's perspective on life...

...everything must be inherently 'bad'.
Surely Jim did not think he was undeserving... did he?
The Vulcan looked sharply at George, his eyes desperate for answers.]

What should I do?

[This was a Vulcan... albeit half-human...but a Vulcan nonetheless admitting that he didn't know what to do, that this was out of his depth.
The Primal part of him wanted to growl and nash his teeth in frustration and anger... to go out and destroy Jim's enemies with his bare hands...
It was like standing in Winona's kitchen...
...and the feeling of wanting to both sympathize and throttle her.]

_{[George was cautious, careful not to speak until Spock was finished thinking through it all.]}

Understand that Jim is wounded. Damaged. He's never dealt with the hurt over Kodos' abuse. He's only covered it up with distractions... imagine a wound you only covered with a bandage and never cleaned. How would it look over time? Swollen, infected, hyper sensitive to pain... takes a long time to heal.

Jim's pain is a lot like this... and it won't be easy for him. Or you. But... don't quit. Your job to help him will be hard but you have the advantage of being able to do it. Jim trusts you and that is saying a lot. my son has trusted perhaps two people since Kodos and the other one is Admiral Pike.

_{[He approached Spock, taking him by the shoulders to halt his pacing. He took a steady breath the vulcan was intended to mimic.]}

Relax. Be patient. Be gentle. Always be willing to withdraw if he gets in over his head, it can happen in a millisecond, suddenly he's overwhelmed and he'll never admit it for fear of being weak.

... I really hope he bonds with you soon. It'll make your job a lot easier... honestly you can't help him completely heal without that window into his mind.

[Spock calmed himself...and looked rather bemused for a moment.]

Mister Kirk... It would be an honour to bond with your son. However, I cannot help but feel...
...relieved at your obvious approval.
[Spock's expression sobered...]

I would never quit on him.

_{[He paused. Smirked. Then patted Spock's shoulder.]}

I've liked you for a long time, kid. I've known ever since I died. I knew you'd worship the ground he walked on but don't cut yourself so short alright? He has to earn you too. You're one of a kind, believe me.

_{[But, back to the subject at hand...]}

He's just going to take some time, Spock. You are a patient person and that's to your advantage because Jim is not going to be any kind of eager to do healing work once this process begins. _{[Imagine cleaning that infected, swollen, neglected wound...]}

But he's got to. It's the same as surgery or medicine or anything unpleasant that leads to a greater good. He's sick and the infection needs to leave him.

....

Alright. For future reference, Spock. If and when you bond with Jim you're going to see that darkness again in another form. You couldn't have detected it until now because Jim is great at masking it. It's come up in missions, when he's flying in space at your side... you'd never have known. He gets these moments of pure dread where Kodos' presence gets in his mind. He... goes to a dark place and relives some of those feelings. Disgust, being exposed and vulnerable, anticipating attack, shame...

It's those moments that drive him to drink or sleep with a stranger or risk his own life. It's moments like that you have to be there with him and keep him safe from himself. He's so ingrained in these terrible habits he doesn't know how to handle it in a healthy way. Distract him. Talk about something with him, make him engage in something else. Do not let him go until the moment has passed... does that make any sense?

[Spock nods...]

Indeed... your logic is sound.

[The Vulcan thought.... this new information making him see Jim in a new light.
Indeed, now that Spock knew what to look for he realizes that there has been a pattern present this entire time. Every moment Spock wondered why the Captain was in a particular mood... when he would come back from shore leave utterly damaged...

Jim was like diffusing a bomb. It was delicate work.]
I thank thee for this information...

[Spock regards the man who looks so much like Jim in front of him... and realizes that he has had contact with his mother. He swallows... ]

Tell her...
[Spock can't quite get out the words....All he ever wanted to do was tell her he loved her one last time.]

I wish I could help you more, Spock... but doing a little outside research won't hurt you.

_{[George paused, looking curious for Spock's next words... then smiles.]}

She already knows... but I will. She and I are pretty good friends now... actually now that I think about it she told me to tell you... aww damn I was so focused on Jim... hold on.

_{[he concentrated for a moment.]}

She loves you very much. And the rest were... things she wanted to tell you about what you've been worrying about...

She's fine here. She's got me so she's not alone... no we're not together like that, she's got your father and I have my wife. But we're a strange sort of friends.

Don't go to Toronto, she enraged her whole family by marrying your father, they won't be anyone you want to meet.

She... didn't feel any pain. When it happened... she wants you to know that she was already gone before it could hurt.

[Spock was silent as he considered George's words...]

I...

[The Vulcan didn't know what to say. His mother was apparently well in this space where the spirit lingers... and she had a friend. But not just any friend...
...Jim's father. Spock finds that he is rather... relieved that she isn't alone.
The Vulcan nods...]

I thank thee. You have my promise to do everything in my power to take care of your son. He is... precious to me as I am certain you are aware.
However... I have one query...
I have witnessed many people lose their spouses... why did Winona react so severely?

[Indeed... Vulcans took losing their bonded spouse better than Winona Kirk.]

Ah...

_{[He averted his eyes a bit, sighing.]}

You got me there, Spock... it's as much a surprise to you as it is to me... I can't say it's been easy watching her fall apart. Believe me, it's been my personal hell sometimes. I... wish I could tell you, son. I wish I knew. I never understood how our boys weren't more important to her and I've watched my family crumble for twenty six years wondering the same thing. Why?

I don't know that answering that question is going to help. I just have to find it in me to forgive her somehow... I know Jim would in a heartbeat if she gave him even a suggestion that she might be better. He wants so badly to have a family...

You know that now about him, Spock... you're one of the few people in his life who's shown him love that wasn't conditional.

[Spock hesitates.... but only for a moment.]

I grieve with thee.

[Indeed, the woman he had seen was not a mother. And it was quite possible that she would never be a mother, no matter how much Jim wanted her to.]

Try to be easy on her... I know it's attractive to despise her but... she didn't become Jim's mother by being so sour. She was a lovely woman once...

Hey while I've got you here can I say a couple things?

Ah... try to go easy on Jim in the morning, I know he wierded you out a bit tonight but... saying-- talking about Kodos out loud to his mother... it took a lot out of him. It was really hard. He'll never admit it but he needs to recover from that level of exposure.

And second... you know what I told Jim. That Kodos is still among the living. You have to know this Spock and you must remember this if you plan to take him out. Do not allow Jim to go with you. As much as he wants to he can't handle seeing that bastard's face again.

I'll even make it easy for you. I want that monster on my side... _{[So he could thank him personally for what he'd done to his own people and his son.]}

His troupe will come to earth for just a little pit stop. They'll be in Sacramento for a night. Put Jim to sleep, I know you know how..._{[with your mind]} there's an academy recieving pad in engineering that's programmed as a direct warp line to Sacramento, we used to use it all the time for shipping when I was a cadet. It's kind of forgotten now but it's in the academy basement... Use that.... and they won't figure out it was you.

Jim cannot know. Do you understand? He'll hear about it in the news and he can be at peace then.

[Spock stood a little bit straighter upon hearing the news.
This was it, this was his opportunity to help rid Jim of his demons... and send that Bastard to where he belongs.
The Vulcan inclines his head.]

I understand completely... Jim will not know and I will make certain that your instructions are met.
To borrow a human phrase.... 'it will be my pleasure.'

[Spock was already dreaming up ways of ending Kodos... But he was a merciful creature, right?
Hmm.... Spock had to think about that.

There was no mercy when he faced Nero or Khan.... It was Jim both times (directly or indirectly) that had gave him the more ethical decision.]

_{[He nodded solemnly, withholding a grim smile.]}

Be careful, Spock... don't lose your soul for him.

_{[He put both hands on Spock's shoulders.]}

I'm really glad you're marrying my son. You two make a great team.

... it's customary on Earth to leave an empty chair at a wedding when there is a guest who is no longer living.

Even if you can't perceive us... your mother and I wouldn't miss it.

Edited 2013-07-15 04:55 (UTC)

[Spock blinked in surprise... his face losing its stoic mask as he looked more...
...human than usual.]

Of course... It would be my honour to ensure that you and my mother have a place in memorial at our wedding.

[Spock briefly entertained the idea of 'unfairness' in the world... that the two best parents for both Jim and Spock had to die. Then again, it was illogical to dwell on what cannot be changed.]

Jim makes me...

...happy. I will do my best to ensure that he is happy as well.

_{[He smiled and nodded.]}

I know you will.

And don't think about it being fair or unfair, son. You'll see us when it's all over.

_{[He stepped back]}

It's time for me to go now... I doubt we'll be able to talk like this again. I'm grateful I got to meet you, Spock.

_{[And he disappears into the background. Spock is alone once more.]}

[Spock watches the form disappear into the inky darkness of his subconscious... George Kirk was and is a great man...
...Spock is rather in awe at the moment.

The moment passes as he thinks of Jim. What will happen when they wake up in the morning? Will Jim be different? George did say that Jim trusts him now... but Spock will feel apprehension until he sees it directly from Jim.
Not that he doesn't trust George, but it was something that he needed to be assured of in person.

The Vulcan slowly brings himself out of meditation and once more into the conscious world, taking note of the way his arms are around Jim, the warmth and feel of his mate surrounding him.
He would protect this being with everything he had...

Spock falls into a natural slumber... and awaits morning.]

_{[Come morning, Jim wakes... and is content to go right back to sleep in Spock's hold. He leans up and presses a kiss to Spock's mouth. Wake up darling~

He felt great today, on top of the world. Why? He maybe battled his demons last night until Spock stopped him... but that didn't matter. He was still triumphant, he handled what he'd been given and the tone of last night was more Spock's problem than his.]}

Wake up beautiful.

[Spock hums as he opens his eyes, pressing into the kisses Jim bestows on him.]

Jim... good morning Ashaya.

[Spock searches Jim's face for any indication of what might have transpired last night... but he sees nothing but calm happiness.

So, the Vulcan lifts his hand to cradle Jim's face... pressing another kiss to that mouth.]

_{[He melts into that kiss, nearly purring.]}

Mnnnn~ How did you sleep?

_{[because he slept awesome. Spock was here and they'd had good sex and life was grand.]}

How do you...feel? Becoming a man now and all?

[Spock quirks an eyebrow.]

Jim... I am Vulcan. I do not know what you mean.
[Of course he bloody well knows what you mean, he's just being an ass and being hard to get along with.

The Vulcan smirks as he leans in for another kiss, interpreting how much he loved being with Jim.
But... Spock wasn't ready to put into words what he felt last night. What he had gotten from Jim at the beginning had almost scared the Vulcan and made him hyper aware for the rest of their time together.
Ka'adith.
There was always next time.]

*snerk*

No really, I am dreaming up a completely ooc ballet AU.

pfffffff!

No like... I got the whole story now. Imagine Spock as a dancer, ooc yes but he'd be *fabulous*

Simply fabulous~

Are you getting on tonight? Or shall I pm you about it?

That PM was beautiful. XD

I'm building on it too. omg. there is an all mens ballet. I think Jim should be this awesome hotshot

:p

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snerk

No like... I got the whole story now. Imagine Spock as a dancer, ooc yes but he'd be fabulous