done_in_3 | K/S Hospital Scene bc Into Darkness was so K/S TASTIC

[both of them were quiet. Jim was floored by how Spock openly spoke of his support. Was he kissing his ass? That sounded a bit out of touch... But he agreed so whatever.

Winona looked stunned but slowly she spoke.]

... I... Well... Wow. I... Can you tell me more about that? Does this happen often? I don't hear of vulcans marrying offworld...

So explain to me. What are your intentions with my son?

[Jim groaned but Winina ignored him.]

Are you going to be there for him? Emotionally?

[Kissing his ass? Far from it... Spock is being entirely truthful.
The Vulcan quirks an eyebrow at Winona, but squares his shoulders and gives her everything.]

A T'hy'la bond has not come to pass in over a millennium... it is a rare and treasured circumstance....and it is allowed to come to its full potential then it will be stronger than any mental bond in Vulcan history.
[But that's only if they bond... Spock hopes this isn't putting pressure on Jim...]

My intention is to marry your son...and provide for him in any way that I can.
[Spock glances at Jim, a blush high on his cheeks.]
I will be there for him in any capacity that he desires... If I fail to support him emotionally, then I can only hope that we use that situation to grow together in understanding.
I have much to learn about human emotions.

[Spock goes quiet... this is more than he's ever shared.... and he really wants to run and hide right now. He doesn't really show it though.. he's still standing straight, with a stoic expression...
...but his human eyes...
....they're nervous.]

_{[There's some pressure there, yes... he knows Spock really wants this. But he remembers how much he's wanted Spock and how LONG he's wanted Spock... so he has to consider just how long he intends to draw this waiting out. He's not someone who needs a long time to make his mind up but this was a heavy decision either way. He'd give it the respect it deserved. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't hesitant regardless about Spock seeing all his ugly memories...]}

What makes you so sure Jim is this... ta-high... whatever you call it?

_{[She's kind of not paying attention to what Spock is saying. This is getting a bit too in-depth for her and she's starting to dissociate. Her baby is getting married? The one she birthed when George died... how had so much time gotten away? She feels impoverished for knowledge about who Jim is. Any mother should know their child better than she knows Jim. She knows he's a different person under the acting out and the drinking. There's a whole other man under there if she could just reach him... but to do that was impossible. She'd have to tread through her grief over losing George and that just wasn't something Winona was willing or perhaps even able to do. She was faced with not knowing her son but in order to get to know him she'd have to face the guilt of never being there, of indirectly neglecting her children and having nothing to show for it. She hadn't gotten over losing her husband, not one little bit. Frank was a distraction. Jim was a reminder. She hid from him under the guise of providing for her family and she buried her pain, nursed it into bitterness, and grew skeptical over the years. Then this man, this vulcan, comes to her speaking of things she used to believe in and even had for herself at one time when her life wasn't a delicate facade. She yearned to have the faith and optimism required to be that person once more. And for a moment she loathed that her son had what she had lost.]}

Jim's a troubled man, Spock.

_{[Jim heard her voice change. She was getting defensive. Great]}

He's never held a long term relationship down before, what makes you think he'll be any different for you?

Mom, leave him alone.

Do you know what kind of man Jim was before Starfleet?

Stop

_{[Jim hissed... in his captain's voice.]}

[Spock's eyebrows twitched again.... but this time it was not in concern, it was in impatience...
...but impatience in a Vulcan was much better than impatience in a human.
Spock put a hand on Jim's shoulder.... assuring him with a touch as he stepped toward Winona.]

Missus Kirk... I ask that you consider what you have just said, and how emotionally damaging they might be. Perhaps it would be wise that instead of showing how much you do not know your son, you make an effort to remedy that issue.

[This was no-nonsense Spock... and he was defending his T'hy'la while trying to remain respectful to his future mother-in-law.]

You have been given an opportunity that not many receive... a second chance so to speak.
It would be wise not to waste it.

[Spock had to leave the room, there was nothing for it. With a final bow of his head to Winona, he turned to Jim and gave him a quick kiss with his fingers...
..and left the room.

He went upstairs and sat in a meditative pose on the bed. He would give Jim and Winona a moment to themselves. Plus, Spock needed a reprieve from the raw emotions that both Kirks were expressing.]

Ah... what?

_{[Good luck being respectful Spock. All you've done is piss her off. Winona smiled at her son in almost surprised derision. He was telling her to be quiet? Oh... and so was the vulcan. Granted she had enjoyed his no-nonsense before but now it annoyed her.]}

And what would you know about emotional damage? What are... who do you think you are talking to me like that!?

_{[But Spock was already leaving. She was suddenly alone in a room with a vexed son. Jim crossed his arms when Spock left them, clearly less than pleased with his mother. Terse and vibrant words were soon to follow. Spock had good intentions and Jim could appreciate that but he was still poorly schooled in emotions and... while his goal was a noble one... it ended simply with an Winona feeling judged and defensive and Jim having to deal with the results alone.

There was a lot happening downstairs, yelling could be heard. Spock... don't you want to even peek at the trouble you've caused?]}

[Spock felt bad... he could hear the elevated voices coming from downstairs and knew that he was the cause of them.
The Vulcan found himself wrong once more....

Curiosity won over as he slowly unfolded himself from the bed and walked out onto the landing... sitting down on the top step of the stairs.
He purposely put himself within hearing range... his curiosity too much to stay in his room.]

_{[With Spock sitting like a spying child while mother and son fought...]}

“Oh so this whole visit was just to tear me down is it? Right, I'm the worst mother in the world.”

“I didn't say that.”

“Go on! I ruined your life, I made you take to drinking and sleeping around and breaking and entering--”

“Would you stop?”

Strange for Jim to allow himself to be talked over by this woman. Winona was perhaps the one woman he allowed to buffalo him. Albeit with frustration.

“I don't think you need to stay here if this is how you're going to be.”

“Could you just listen?”

“No, no I think I've heard quite enough James.”

“Mom, please.”

“Here I thought I might get to see my son for a change. Silly me.”

“Oh not that again.”

“I think we've had enough for tonight Jim.”

“You're not letting me say anything!”

“We can talk tomorrow if you want but I don't want to hear any more from your... your fiance.”

“You're not even mad at him! You're mad at yourself, I know you are. You always do this! You always make that face.”

“Stop it, Jim. You think you can just come in my house--”

“Your house? Judging by who actually uses it and when this is my house more than it ever was yours. You've lived here, what, two years total? Ever?”

“Stop it!” her voice was as shrill command that silenced the whole house. “No more... I think you and Spock should go.”

“Wha? No... mom...”

“I don't like what's happening here.”

“You're upsetting yourself, he didn't do anything wrong.”

“Defend him all you want. He can say whatever he likes about me. But not in my house.”

Jim wanted to yell. This was the same shit he dealt with his whole life. His mother just dismissing him without ever understanding how he felt or what the real problem was. Shutting him out like a nuisance rather than a son.

Jim paused, then huffed. From the sound of his breath and his subsequent footsteps it was clear he was impatient, even angry. He approached the foot of the stairs, into Spock's line of sight though the captain didn't notice him. His hand raised to touch the banister though it never did meet the wood. Fingers curled into a fist and his face relaxed as he grew determined. He turned around and walked back to his mother, never noticing Spock on the stairs.

“Jim, no.”

“Oh I'll be done quick. Then we'll be gone.” Jim's voice was passionate with anger, colorful and full of pent up energy. As if he'd been wanting to say this for years. There was a promise in his tone when he said 'gone'. As if he was promising forever.

“He's right. You already lost Sam. You're about to lose your other son the same way. I'm not playing this game anymore.”

“Don't you threaten me boy.”

“You always reach out to me but shut me out. You. Always. Do. This!”

“You know I have a hard time, but I've always been there for you as long as you're civil--”

“You were never there for me! Not any time I needed you!”

“I did what I could to provide for you! I raised you the best way I knew how!”

“Keep telling yourself that! We both knew you were hiding in space because you couldn't face us. You've been feeling sorry for yourself for twenty six years. You're still using your son's disappearance for sympathy bait.”

“You have the nerve to say that to me!?”

“You never even looked for him!”

“I put out a missing persons report--”

“After I couldn't. I looked for him, I looked for years mom, years after you gave up. You fucking gave up! I can't ever forgive you for that.”

“I... what do you want Jim?” Winona's voice split as she began crying. “I lost your father then Little George... I couldn't take it, alright? What do you want from me?”

“For you to fucking be present once in a while. You never were before, but Spock's right. You have another chance to at least try to be in my life.”

“I was there.” she whispered, almost curiously as though she was discovering the subject under discussion for the first time. “I was there, Jimmy. I raised you.”

“I raised myself!”

“...”

“You pity yourself because your husband died and your son ran away but I lost them too. I never knew my father and my brother ran away and I never had a mom. Don't make that face, you're alive but you've never been present. You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself and taking every assignment off planet you possibly can.”

“I never knew you hated me so much...” Winona was wallowing in the throughs of self pity. “It's not fair.”

“I can't hate you, I love you mom. I want you around but I want you to get over the past, you're missing everything!”

“No, it's... it's not fair that you can't have a mother who endears you. I get it.” her voice was laiden with sarcasm. Jim groaned.

“You know what's really not fair, Mom? Spock lost his mother. Really lost her, she died.”

“...Sorry to hear that.”

“No you're not but I met this woman for just a few minutes. She's the nicest lady I ever met, I wish I had a mother like her. She was excited to be in Spock's life. She was fucking eager to talk about her son to me. If she were still alive I know she'd be in Spock's life, she'd be involved in everything she could. He couldn't keep her away. And you sit here with the chance she probably wishes she could have, still breathing and openly throwing your son to the wolves.”

“So what, you wish I was dead and she was alive?”

“I want you stop living in the past! He's dead mom! He's never coming back and your life is passing you by in the meantime. I don't want you to become a lonely old woman still grieving over a man who died decades ago.”

"Goddammit Jim you make it sound so easy! Like I just turn it on and off."

Edited 2013-07-12 03:19 (UTC)

[Spock's fingers shake as he listens to Jim and Winona... As soon as he notices them he holds them tight together, knuckles going white with the pressure.
The Vulcan wonders if he should go down there and intervene... but this wasn't his fight, wasn't his mother. Sure, he may have started this, but this was something that's been brewing since Jim was born.
The Vulcan vowed that he would do his best to love Jim enough so that he never felt as though he was missing out. But... unless Winona and Jim came to some sort of understanding, there would always be something lacking in Jim's life..
...and for that he was sorry.

Spock's ears perked when he heard his mother being mentioned... His eyebrows creased in concern and surprise. Jim's words would have greatly hurt Winona...

All humans deserved compassion, and both these humans were hurting deeply.. and Spock was out of his depth. He didn't know what to do...
Would he offer to mind-meld with Winona? No... her mind was so closed off that it would take more than Vulcan strength to penetrate her barriers. Plus, he didn't want to damage her.

He only hoped that Jim came out of this in one piece.
Ashaya... Spock loves you so much... and he's sorry.]

“You've had it 'on' since I was born. Fine, I don't care anymore. I'm done trying to be your good little boy alright?”

“Good? Please! You've been trouble your whole life! Ever since Sam left, and you talk to me about being a nuisance! You have grief issues too Jim, you haven't dealt with your pain either.”

“And a lot of help you've been.”

“You weren't always like this. Ever since you left for Tarsus you've been different.”

“Don't go there.”

“I know you witnessed a genocide. But it's like you want to take that out on me too.”

“Stop.”

“I wanted to put you in therapy, I begged you talk about it. You never said anything!”

“Mom. Please...”

“What! Oh my pain is fine for you to rip apart but yours is off limits?”

“No-- Just... you don't even know what I went through on that god forsaken rock!”

“I would if you'd just tell me!”

Jim was gasping now, trembling. This was the one thing he dreaded to ever bring up. The one thing he vowed never to speak of.

“You don't want to know!”

“My son's threatening to leave me forever, hell I want to know everything as long as this is my last chance. What the hell is it going to bother you now? You'll never see me again, isn't that right? Who cares what I think?”

“...”

“C'mon, Jimmy... you can tell your old witch of a mother.”

He swallowed thickly. It was only with the knowledge that his father absolved him of blame and Spock still loved him... that he could say it now.

“Kodos kept me alive.”

“Yes...?”

“He fed me personally.”

“That was... strangely generous of him for being a murderer....”

He took a deep breath. Fuck the stuttering. He was above this. “I watched him murder innocent men, women, and children. I ran away from him and he found me in a barn. He was going to kill me but he decided to rape me instead. And when he found out I had no parents on the planet he just kept that up until the reinforcements came.”

“....”

“There. Happy?”

“...Jim... you... you're... making that up.”

almost out of character, he snarled “Fuck you.” his footsteps could be heard as he approached the stairs. He raised up three of them before meeting eyes with Spock. His own widened in surprise and flinched. Spock had heard all that?

Meanwhile Winona was stirring downstairs.

“Jim... no... Jim wait. Please! Can we talk about it? I... I said something stupid, I didn't mean that!”

[Spock met those tortured eyes... His mind was a haze, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.
But this wasn't about him... Jim was looking at him as if waiting for rejection.

Spock was prepared to hold on and never let go.
In one fluid movement the Vulcan stood and met Jim half-way down the stairs.. With a firm grip he took Jim's arm and pulled him back up..
...and into their room where he swiftly closed the door.
Then, and only then did he drag Jim in for a hug.]

Ashaya... I am so sorry.

_{[Being whisked upstairs was a blur, the door shutting, everything... until he was in Spock's arms. He heard that voice, that one term of endearment he needed to know everything was alright. Spock still cared. He gasped to catch his breath, shaking in Spock's arms though from anger or dread it wasn't clear. He simply clung to his vulcan, trembling, breathing like he'd been running, head against Spock's neck.

...but that moment of peace wouldn't last long. His mother was already bounding up the stairs.]}

Jim!? Oh Jim please... please I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, it just came out! I believe you baby.. I...

_{[her voice was shaking with sobs she was trying to hold in check]}

Please... please Jimmy I want to help you...

[Spock continues to hold Jim close... moving his strong hands over his back in comfort.
The Vulcan murmurs in Jim's ear, sensing the turmoil in his mind as he makes contact with his T'hy'la... He wants to anchor his love.]

Jim... breath Ashaya. I am here... I will always be here.
[Spock hesitates...]

Do you wish for me to ask your mother to give us a moment?

_{[Spock's whispers are like pouring water over a burn. Jim is instantly soothed. He has his safe place which until this moment he hadn't realized he'd made with Spock. The vulcan's intimate gestures were nothing if not incredibly effective at simply ending the trauma-induced hysteria Jim had been quickly approaching.

He could volunteer to stay here forever but his mother's sobs pulled on him almost like a marionette.]}

I can't leave her out there... but stay with me.

_{[He opened their door, facing his weeping mother.]}

Jim I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that at all I just...

It's okay mom... _{[Jim reached forward and pulled his mother into a hug. Strangely the roles were reversed, the victim comforting the unrelated witness. But now Spock likely had a window into how Jim's childhood looked. Winona sobbed into his shoulder, her arms held him tight. Jim pet her hair patiently, almost absently as if this was a habit ingrained deeper than any other.]}

Edited 2013-07-12 04:34 (UTC)

[Spock let go of Jim when he was ready... and stood by as he took his mother into his arms. The Vulcan witnessed the exchange with curiosity...
He had so many questions that he had left unanswered...
Why did she only now seek forgiveness at the onset of new information? Did it make the situation any more different?
When were the roles reversed? Was it not Jim that needed to be comforted?

Spock stood there... eyebrows knitted tightly together in consideration. Whatever Jim wanted he would do... but right now he could only stand there and wait...
...and be the support he promised to be.]

_{[His mother really was a nice lady... but she was also damaged goods without his father around. He held the woman until she went still in his arms. She stood up, wiped her eyes, then held Jim's face gently in her hands.]}

I... I understand now... and I'm so sorry baby... I... I can't even put it to words Jim.

Mom, it's alright.

No it's not. You couldn't tell me when it happened. I was so distant you didn't trust me, I understood that then. I just didn't know how bad it was there...

All the times you acted out it was just your cries for help. And Frank and I just punished you for it...

_{[She was making a face that slowly transitioned into a grimace as she understood the depth of her crime against her son.]}

I can't even begin to imagine what lessons you took away from those years, Jim... probably that you couldn't trust anyone and you were alone.

...

That is it, right?

... more or less. That and evil always wins.

Aww but... Kodos was killed. He was a monster. I mean people didn't get away with their crimes at home. You had Frank around at least, right?

Yeah about Frank...

... what?..... _{[her face turned sour, then horrified. She shook her head slowly]}

Oh God.. Jim... he didn't.... I'll kill him.

No no. He didn't touch me. Just talked. Occasionally he threw things. _{[Jim shrugged. This sounded like whining now, he kind of wanted to stop rolling out the grief train]}

Mom, you don't want to hear all this.

No. No I want to talk about it. I want to hear all of it? What did Frank do?

[On the outside the Vulcan showed nothing but a calm, cool Vulcan facade...
On the inside Spock was writhing with fury. That this woman... a mother allowed her son to be abused by someone so close. Why did she not see? Did she refuse?
Spock recalled the times Amanda found out he was being bullied at school and how she had fought tooth and nail for him.

Frank... who was this Frank? Spock had to keep from growling at the thought of anyone harming his T'hy'la. And Kodos....
A pure hatred that he had never felt before... Nero... Khan... Kodos... Spock was thinking that he would never achieve the a Vulcan cool.
...For now he could keep that to himself. He only hoped that if Jim ever decided to bond with him that the level of emotions that Spock experienced wouldn't be damaging to Jim.

Spock continued to breath normally has he listened to the mother and son.]

_{[Jim sighed]}

Alright... but I really need a beer if we're talking about this.

_{[Winona paused... then tugged Jim along.]}

I'll text him not to come home tonight, there's an overnight pickup we needed for the horse stables in Fort Dodge he was procrastinating with. I'll have him get it and we'll have all night. How about I make some pancakes?

_{[Jim smiled a bit relieved]}

I'd like that...

_{[He took Spock's hand as Winona was quickly heading downstairs to begin cooking.]}

[Spock was taken by surprise at how fast the whole exchange was... They were now willing to talk?
Humans...

But then Jim's hand was in his... and Spock couldn't help but squeeze it in reassurance.
He wanted so desperately to know Jim's mind, to ask him how he was... to know what he was feeling and how to help.

However, it was only logical to be content with what you had, and Spock found himself more than fortunate.]

Jim...
[Spock searched Jim's eyes... asking him if he was alright.]

_{[He perked as his name was spoken, and he leaned in for a quick kiss.]}

She gets like this, almost mood swings. She's loving and maternal and then she's angry and defensive. You get used to it. Losing my dad really messed her up.

Just roll with it the best you can. You're doing great.

_{[He smiled]}

And thanks for getting the ball rolling. That was a good fight and I feel better.

[Spock tilted his head, more confused than ever... and a little frustrated that he couldn't have more than a small kiss.
However, he inclined his head.]

Very well, I shall endeavour to do my best Jim.
[Spock would always do his best for Jim.... but he still didn't know how his T'hy'la was.]

_{[Well he doesn't understand that you still need to know more, Spock so... well he'd going downstairs to drink beer, eat pancakes, and tell his mom finally how he and Sam saved her the grief of a divorce by hiding how Frank was verbally and emotionally abusive.

How he regularly threw things, chased them out of the house, reminded them that they were lower than dirt, as valuable as the dust on the mantle, and as missable as cow excrement. He talked about how Frank was a drinker, a bit lazy, working the kids before himself, and yet he was charming as could be when Winona was around...]}

Sam and I knew you were already overwhelmed with losing Dad... we... didn't want to make it worse on you.

_{[Winona was quiet, tears in her eyes yet unshed]}

When Sam ran away, I tried to tell you but we were all focused on him being gone... when I got back from Tarsus... Frank was just being himself and I was... in a low place. You came home and started screaming at me to shape up, Frank had thrown your green glass vase at me and it was in pieces on the floor, he said I'd broken it and you believed him. It didn't matter but he gave me this... smug smile when you weren't looking. I realized then that evil will always win.

So I stopped trying.

...That's about the time you really started acting out...

It didn't matter to me anymore. I'd lost my mom, my dad, my brother, and then Kodos happened and nothing I could do was going to change where I was in life, people were always going to treat me like a bug to be squashed... so I just did whatever I wanted.

_{[Winona hung her head, ashamed, wounded, grieving for her son.]}

I... don't remember that.

You were kind of out of it...

I believe you... So all those years... you just gave up? You never wanted to go to college or anything, I never got it, you were so academic as a boy.

I thought being successful meant being like you and Frank and Kodos. I didn't want that. The only alternative was being a deviant. _{[he shrugged]}

Like I said, I stopped caring after that.

_{[Winona wiped a tear away, wanting to hide]}

What a heavy burden for a child to carry...

Edited 2013-07-12 05:25 (UTC)

[Spock listened from his place... seated beside Jim.
He needed to reach out... so on impulse the Vulcan tentatively placed a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder... squeezed, then let go.

To think that this beautiful man was abused terribly as a child. No Vulcan adult would ever dream of terrorizing a child, it just wasn't done.
Spock's mind was blown.

Finally, the Vulcan said something.]

I grieve with thee... with both of thee.

[Loss was a terrible thing.. he knew...he lost an entire planet and his only source of humanity (until Jim that is). But the important thing is that you learned to move on from such atrocities. That was how you grew strength.
It wasn't ever going to be easy... but you only did yourself a disservice by dwelling on what you can't change.

Jim was strong.. he knew that, he recognized it in him every time Jim sat down on that Captain's chair. He had never seen anyone more deserving of the title. And yet, it was the awful trials he had endured that brought him there.
That brought both of them there.]

_{[Winona was quiet but nodded at Spock's words.]}

Thank you... and I'm sorry for how I behaved earlier. It was completely out of line.

_{[Jim took a leap and leaned over to kiss Spock's cheek. He's fine, really! He just wants to curl up and sleep though... this kind of emotional talk was exhausting and beer didn't help his energy level.]}

Jim I... don't know how to apologize. I've failed you completely. I was so far gone I didn't even notice you getting horribly abused.

... I'm the worst mother in the world.

No, stop that. I don't want to hear that. You had your head up your ass for a long time.

... I am awake now, Jim... if it means anything to you.

It does. I hope you stay that way.

I think it will. I spent so many years focused on the old hurts, I guess I thought life would run itself while I was away....

Anyway, it is getting rather late... did you boys want to stay here tonight? Frank won't be home for at least half the day tomorrow. Longer if I can bribe him.

[In that one kiss, Spock could feel how absolutely and utterly tired Jim was.]

Missus Kirk... apologies are unnecessary, but I appreciate the sentiment. I believe we will take you up on your offer...
We are both quite tired and will retire early for the evening.

[Spock looked over at Jim...let's go to bed.]

_{[She nodded, giving them a quick sendoff for the night as she cleaned up the kitchen.

Jim headed with Spock up to his old bedroom, crawling into his bed. Ah, clean sheets~ Yay sleep!]}

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I love that icon of him

<3

/clings. Will I see you this evening?

I'm not sure~ I'll be in and out though~

What's happening? A party? Are you getting drunk without me? Not cool :l

:p

I want sooooome :l

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